He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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