I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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