I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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