U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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