what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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