a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
