I wish my penis had an off switch
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
