He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
