hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
