he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
