oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
