who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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