she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
