I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i out mim tonsoeep
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