I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
