Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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