i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
