I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
