we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize