We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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