he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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