Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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