then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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