i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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