All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
