Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
