Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
