either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
