I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
