She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Randomize
