I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
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