tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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