At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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