i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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