I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
