We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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