I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
