wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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