i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
