i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
