Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
