No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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