If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
