so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
