Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
