Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
