I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
