If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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