i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
