Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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