life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
