also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
