Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Panties = found
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
