Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
