Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
