and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
is wine microwaveable?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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