I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
