Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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