I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
