I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
