I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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