I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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