How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
