I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
