now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
