no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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