Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
