I'm gonna have a badass scar
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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