So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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