If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
