how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
